My wife and I have a nine-year-old autistic grandson, who we regularly care for… we are his only grandparents. Recently, we attended a workshop run by a charity for children with special educational needs designed specifically for grandparents in our position. The aim was both to learn from the tutors, an Autism Specialist and the Head of Child and Family Services, and exchange experiences with the other participants so we can be more effective in caring for him and in offering support to his parents. As well as to his non-autistic sibling who is equally deserving of our attention. One thing we learned was how much we still have to learn! As a retired Presiding Justice both in family and criminal I also wanted to relate this to the needs of autistic children involved in court proceedings.
The National Autistic Society defines autism as: “A lifelong developmental disability which affects how people communicate and interact with the world.”
Autism is wide ranging; no two children are identical and many change and develop over time. Some perform at a very high level, it’s believed both Einstein and Mozart may have been autistic. While others may have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), learning difficulties or may be non-verbal. We were advised at the workshop to use the term “autistic children” or “children who are autistic”, never “children with autism”. The latter suggests autism is an illness, which it isn’t. Though nowadays some prefer to use the term “neurodivergent”. Common characteristics identified included:
Social Interaction and communication challenges
This includes taking everything literally and not understanding irony or nuance, as well as difficulty forming relationships and appearing insensitive to other’s feelings. However, as was stressed, though an autistic child may not understand why a particular action upsets others, they may learn it does, and try to avoid it in future.
Repetitive and restrictive behaviour
The need for routine. An example was a grandmother who every day collects her granddaughter from school with a green apple. One day she couldn’t get a green apple, so she brought a red one. This breach of expected routine led to rejection and meltdown.
Over or under sensitivity to light, sound, taste or touch
This includes blocking out extraneous sound, such as by wearing headphones, and avoiding physical human contact.
Highly focused interests or hobbies
And talking about them endlessly!
Extreme anxiety
A very common thread. One participant, who also has an autistic adult son who suffered from extreme anxiety when growing up, reported how he now teaches at the school which he himself attended as he can best identify with the needs of the pupils.
Meltdowns and shutdowns
These could be verbal or physical, and may appear as temper tantrums. Or conversely “switching off” and shutting out the world.
In Mark Haddon’s 2003 novel, “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time”, subsequently made into a stage play, the protagonist, Christopher Boone, “knows all the countries of the world and their capitals and every prime number up to 7,057. He relates well to animals but has no understanding of human emotions. He cannot stand to be touched. And he detests the colours yellow and brown.” Christopher explains what happens when he enters a London Underground platform. A “neurotypical” person would initially focus on the train indicator to find out where the next arrival is going. But Christopher experiences a cacophony of sound and light, people rushing about and jostling each other, one dragging a suitcase, another with a child in a pushchair, a beggar asking for money, the walls covered in advertisements and other signage. The result will be “information overload”, and the need to extract himself from the situation or suffer complete meltdown.
Our grandson ticks every one of these boxes. He can perform long multiplication and division in his head. He knows the entire tube map by heart – including interchange stations and those with step free access. Like Christopher he knows every country in the world, their capital, and also their flag. He designs complex architectural structures on his tablet. But his world is governed by constant anxiety and the need for certainty and structure. Before he comes to stay, even if just for the afternoon, he has to know in detail every aspect of his visit. What time will he arrive? When will he go home? Will anybody else be there? What will he be doing? What will he be given to eat – a slice of bread must be cut into squares of exactly equal size, chips must be consistent in length and thickness, or the entire meal will be rejected. Will he be allowed on his tablet, and for how long? If staying the night, will he have to go to bed if not tired?
But we have made progress. If he drops his coat on the floor, for example, asking him to pick it up won’t work. But asking him if that is his coat on the floor may yield a result. Recently when he stayed the night it was around 10pm and he hadn’t yet gone to bed. So I told him grandma and I were tired and ready for bed, so was he OK locking up and turning off the lights? I’ve never seen him move that fast!
I retired from the Bench in 2017, having reached the then statutory retirement age. Since then the Equal Treatment Bench Book has been launched; now in its fourth edition. It contains a detailed guide as to the arrangements that should be made for autistic adults participating in court proceedings. Then in January 2025, The Family Justice Council issued its guidance on neurodiversity in the family justice system for practitioners. What I’m still not clear about is how this applies to the needs of autistic children who are the subjects of such proceedings, whether child arrangement orders or care proceedings.
Regarding child arrangement orders, as we’re all aware, any change to routine and family structure can have a devastating effect on any child, but potentially much more so for those who are autistic. In addition, a family may have more than one autistic child, each with different needs, as well having other children who are not autistic whose needs will also differ. In the case of public law cases, I see more clearly how challenging it must be for parents, suspected of being neglectful, to demonstrate their ability to bring up children who are autistic. What assistance do local authorities give such parents, perhaps to attend workshops such as the one we attended to help them cope better? Should members of the family Bench also attend such workshops to better inform their decision making process?
I would very much welcome feedback from colleagues on these issues.
